Every time I look at it, I think of the James Taylor song, "That Lonesome Road". I decided to pull up both iTunes and iPhoto yesterday and give myself some time for visual/audio meditation. That's when I started to really listen to the lyrics ...
That Lonesome Road
Walk down that lonesome road all by yourself
Don't turn your head back over your shoulder
And only stop to rest yourself when the silver moon
Is shining high above the trees
If I had stopped to listen once or twice
If I had closed my mouth and opened my eyes
If I had cooled my head and warmed my heart
I'd not be on this road tonight
Carry on
Never mind feeling sorry for yourself
It doesn't save you from your troubled mind
Walk down that lonesome road all by yourself
Don't turn your head back over your shoulder
And only stop to rest yourself when the silver moon
Is shining high above the trees
When I really started to think about it, I realized (I cannot believe that I am about to say this) that James Taylor is wrong.
If there was one thing I learned in CPE, it's that even when the road seems lonesome, you are never alone.
About halfway through the summer, I was talking to my mom about how much I hated the on calls. I hated being alone, my heart leapt when the pager or code went off and I hated sitting with the anticipation of what might happen throughout the night.
But God was there; it took me awhile to realize this, but God was there. God was there in the moments of peaceful sleep I was able to steal, in the text messages I received throughout the night that reminded me of the outside world, in the friendships that I made with other staff members I would run into during my shifts and in the decreasing levels of anxiety I would experience every time I drove up Jesse Hill Drive and saw the 16 floor monstrosity in front of me.
It probably would have been helpful to know that going into the summer. But the process of learning it was exactly what I needed to do in order to grow as a person, as a Christian and as a leader.
After the song had repeated itself a few times, I had a thought. I went back into the editing queue on iPhoto and put the original color back in the photo.
It didn't look so lonely anymore.
I guess life it all about the lens in which you view the world through.
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What you said at the end here is SO true! I think a lot of times in our lives we get to feeling like we're alone but that really is far from the truth. The Lord's really been showing me lately that whenever I start to feeling alone or start to worry about something, He just wants me to start talking to Him and stop trying to take those feelings on all by myself.
ReplyDeleteThere is so much learning and growing and I can relate to your summer experience at the hospital but in the area of motherhood. So much is learned just by doing and everyday is a new lesson.
So thankful that I'm not alone even when it might feel like it at times!
P.S. I'm loving your new profile pic on the side. So, so pretty!!!
Those are beautiful pictures and I LOVE that song! You write the most profound things- I know that you will be such an asset to which ever church you end up pastoring! They will be so lucky to have you :)
ReplyDeleteFile this one away... it is a sermon for sure!!! Beautiful and well written... Thnaks for sharing... love you!
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