Real.

Lots of things in my life are starting to become more real to me right now!!

For starters - this whole ministry thing. Real. Very, very real. It's not like I've never been in a position of ministry before, but yesterday it really seemed to hit home. Heidi and I were given the task of putting on the Ash Wednesday service. I had planned most of it and she and I were going to co-preside. It went better than I ever could have imagined it. We're both perfectionist and highly liturgical (highly for the UCC that is) so it took us awhile to get the sanctuary ready for the service, but it was absolutely worth it in the end!! We spent a lot of time with the altar preparation, discerning if both of us should anoint with ashes, and splitting up the liturgy. I know we could have done all of this in under an hour, but it took us two and half hours to set everything up, and that doesn't include going over the service one last time before it started. But - like I said - it was well worth it. During the anointing with the ashes, it seemed like I was frozen in time, but the motions of the service were going on around me. Heidi and I had started behind the altar table during the invitation to come forward and receive the ashes. One I gave the invitation, we both went around the table (her to the left and me to the right) and David (the accompanist) started playing the Taize song, "Come and Fill" (I'll put the lyrics in at the bottom). I think the combination of him playing, hearing the lyrics, watching people come to me for this powerful moment in their lives and hearing Heidi say the same words I was saying ("Remember from dust you came and to dust you shall return") was just incredibly moving for me. It's like time stopped and I had a quick 360 camera shot of what was going on around me. So much was real. Christ was real. My call was real. My confidence - something that has become very shaky this year - was real. It was awesome. I'm so grateful for the chance to know and to serve with pastors like Kim, Heidi and Allen that enable experiences like this to happen.

The wedding (and the marriage of course!!) is also starting to become very real for me. When Bruce and I got home last night there was a note from UPS that they had tried to deliver a package and had left it in the leasing office. We had NO idea what it was. I went over to the office this morning and retrieved a very large box from Target. When I got home I called Bruce and told him that I thought it was a wedding present (Target is one of the places that we are registered at) - and I was right!! My sister is hosting a bridal shower for me when I'm in CT in a couple of weeks and a friend of our family isn't able to make it, so she decided to just have a gift shipped to our apartment. And it got here today!! Bruce knew I was excited so he let me open it even though he wasn't home (how awesome is my fiance?!). It was a really nice set of steak knives that we had put on our registry. What's nice about them is that they come in a case that you can fold up and stack away nicely. I was SO excited. Not because I eat steak all the time, but because it's the first present!! And not because I'm so materialistic that I need presents to be happy (although who doesn't like presents?) but because it just means that the wedding (and the marriage of course) is that much closer!!!!! It's real. My life, my future with Bruce. It's real. On our way home last night (isn't it amazing how I can link my first wedding present to faith and Ash Wednesday) we were having a conversation about our parents and their spirituality. We talked about some of the things that we liked about the ways our parents expressed their spirituality and some of the things that we do that are unique to us. This conversation lasted throughout the ride home and started up again before we went to bed. At that point the conversation moved to how we would raise our children in the church and how we would express our beliefs in front of them. Children. Scary. But cool. That conversation moved to raising kids in general, and we both agreed that what we were doing at that moment (laying in bed, eating junk food, playing video games and watching TV until we fell asleep) we would never let our own children do. So - needless to say - we're not ready to have children yet!! But I think it's good to think about all of this stuff now so we know the things that we need to work on before we make that decision.

Anyway, it's Thursday which means one more day until the weekend. I've got a lot going on right now (it's coming in on midterms, after all!!) but I'm trying to take things one day at a time. For Lent, I'm trying to pull together all of the disciplines of my life - spiritual, mental, emotional and physical. And I know they all bleed into one another, so I'm hoping that when I work on little things in one, the others will start to improve as well.

Blessings to you all as we enter in on this 40 day Lenten journey. May you find peace in both your sufferings and your joys.

Peace & Grace,

Sarah

Come and Fill

Come and fill our hearts with your peace

You alone O Lord are holy

Come and fill our hearts with you peace

Alleluia