How memories shape who we are ... and what we could be.

Yesterday Bruce called and asked me if I minded walking home from school today. Because I had a Con Ed meeting and wasn't sure I knew where I was going he took the scooter to work and I took the car. Paul asked him if he would run him an errand after work and Bruce said yes but he that he would need a car. Paul gave Bruce his Commander for the night and Bruce left the scooter at work. Everything was fine by me - it meant that Bruce and I would get to drive to school together in the morning. Even though it's short, I love that time with him. I love being able to listen to The Tea Party on 94.9 The Bull with him, laugh at the sheer comedy that is morning radio and sing along with our favorite country songs. It's just a really special time that we get to spend together.

That also meant that I would walk home from school. I had put the soundtrack for Beauty and the Beast on my iPod over the weekend because this is going to be my dad's musical this year so I turned that on and just let my mind wander. I pretty much came full circle. I started thinking about how much I miss being involved in my dad's shows. It's not just me wishing I was back in high school (you couldn't pay me to go back to high school) it's about the fact that I grew up in his theater. Being involved in the NMHS All School Musical wasn't a four year thing for me, it was an 18 year thing. And I definitely miss it. As I thought about that I started to think about what it would be like if I was called to a church in the Litchfield North or Litchfield South Association and was close enough to once again be involved in something that shaped so much of who I am today. The daydream just put a smile on my face. I started to think about bringing my dad dinners during long days, feeding the cast during hell week, advertising with alumni, working production - all things I didn't do growing up but seem appropriate now as I'm not the same person that I was when I was toddling around.

Beyond that I started thinking about what my first church is going to be like. I honestly have no idea. I had my first meeting with Micki Nunn-Miller this weekend. She is the pastor of the church in Cornwall, CT, the moderator for the Litchfield North Association and my new mentor for my In Care process. We didn't just talk about how school was going, we talked about what's next: how do I finish this process in three years (well now a year and a half) so that my ministerial profile is circulating during my last few months at Candler? It felt amazing to feel like I'm finally starting to move through the process because everything is becoming so real to me. I've been on this process of discernment for practically my entire life and in a little over a year and a half I could finally be ordained.

I guess this is what going home will do for you. Granted, Atlanta is my home, but I grew up in Connecticut; the person I am today was shaped by a lot of what happened in Connecticut. Driving through those streets brought back lots of memories, some good some bad, and I realized just how ready I am to move to the next stage of my life - but bring the memories with me.

In the meantime, I have a meeting with Dr. Stephens tomorrow to talk about a midterm that I didn't do very well on. Sigh ... The frustrating part is that I walked in and out of this exam feeling prepared. So the grade shocked me. But I might as well deal with this now so that I don't have an even bigger shock at the end of the semester.